okayi'vedecided


i give up.

grace's birthday.

i'm sorry i messed up your real one darling, but i love you! (i'm really clueless, i'm sorry!)

& rachel you look like a vampire.

which reminds me!

i'm finally going to spend some good, much-needed time with her tomorrow, coffee & windowshopping, cannot wait.

i'm trying to deal. it's great you know, us being happy right now as a family. i really want this to eternalize.. don't burst this bubble please.

-----

i'm in need of good music

anything will do.

---

you are my fuzzy logic.

achtung!

can't sleep.
1cold
2saccharine
3exhausted
4routine
5stale

Mishbacha Sheli/Jia Ting/Aa'ilatee/Familia

"Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens to your heart,
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts,
So give your, heart to Jesus, and you'll discover when you do,
That it's Christmas, really Christmas for you"

Mr. Job, please tell me how.

death. a word used far too frivolously.
a word laced on our lips perpetually,
taken for granted,
taken advantage of.

it is an instant in time, a moment where all physical aspects of your life comes to a standstill, a closing, a blank. a conclusion of all your memories, experiences, feelings, mistakes, successes, and sadly so, your relationships.

the heart rate monitor represents it so aptly:
it is a question mark.

it is a blank.
unknown territory.
sacred to the individual, and personally, to the higher being.
it is pure.

what it is not, is a term to be thrown about like a rag doll, to take out your anger on, to threaten people with, to abuse, misuse and to disrespect.
what it is not, is a game.
what it is not, is an escape.

3 years you said.
yet i'm hoping with every fibre of my being,
willing to give up everything i have, including life itself
for you to tell me that all you said was a lie.




happy birthday Dad.

1

my head feels like it has been ran over by a bus


2


i'm meeting elaine at 345 and have to get to school by 530

3



i'd very much like to knock myself unconscious now thank you very much.

things i'll never say

i don't know what this has come to
i don't know what more i can do
i'm tracing our loose threads

looking for the seam
the beginning, the end
the gaps, the in between

i'm trying to tie up our loose ends
they look so bleak
i'm slipping i'm slipping
... why so weak?

sometimes it screams at the back of my head that

it's not that you weren't there, it's that you're not here.


monday was cool, met up with tracie zheng and nick,
as usual people were late,
chatted with zheng over yoguru
he looks terrible now with bengster hair
tracie came after, went to the arcade to play some pretty cool first person shooter game
headed to kenny rogers' for dinner
talked about all the cool places we'd go to together
can't wait. really.
went to clark quay after that, had turkish icecream..
WHICH IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT, NICE
someone apparently threw the whole spoon into the river, which was just.. wrong. really. got mad at him for abit before i realised that THE THING DOESN'T MELT. IT JUST.. FLOATS. we sat there for half and hour and it just.. floated! i'm telling you guys, it's not icecream. seriously.
went to timbre after that, pizzzzzaaa
and home. was dead beat after.
tuesday.
school,
went off with jas to meet deanna, maaaan she has cool parents.
after which headed to bugis, met daniel for lunch and i went back while the two shopping queens continued on their pilgrimage to empty their poor wallets :D i'm kiddingggggg.
went back, my mom asked me to ask my friends over so i asked P, who asked me to call S, which i completely forgot about so.. i think he hates me now. he calls me the worst friend ever by the way. sigh.
played tons of red alert 3! way cooler than all you little punks playing dota man.
heh.
ran with grace yesterday, i missed her like crazy.
had a tiny dinner.. and more red alert!



f
inally
riday