heartbeatrock, no more no less

school was alright.
started of with econs, lecture was pretty cool
and.. no chinese and pw
pretty much a lazyazy day.
WG had our daily dose of nonsense with lingling (:
had partial dinner with farzanah, jasmine ryna daniel and dylan
night study!
alright
readyandsetfortomorrow'stestithink

daniel's scouting shook me!
i mean, i knew i made my decision..
but now i know how important it is.
albeit how happy and jumpy and flighty it feels, one's gotta do what one's gotta do right?






"if those days are gone forever,
i should just let em go"

walk the talk

do I ever cross your mind in the warm sunshine

the sky was just amazing today.
melba swirled into a cyan, it was perfect.

at that moment, it was just perfect. All was just perfect.

EH FOR YOU JASMINEK
iwassocrazyiwroteapoemforyoursbecauseisimplycouldntwriteabout(?)yougetwhatimean
you hit the showers
while I powder up in the next room

you pretty much are oblivious
how you make my heart boom

i put on my attire, you put on your gear
i don't want you to know
i just want to keep you here

maybe there's a maybe
perhaps i can try

but i've made too many mistakes
ones i wish i could nullify

my heart skips a beat
you pass me by
my hearts screaming out loud, but my actions just have to lie


Today has been, absolutely INSANE.

1. FARZANAH FAINTED
2. R ____ D ____ J _____ and I _____ so it was.. ____________
really there's nothing that clandestine here, but i just can't come up with the right vocab
3. deanna danced! very nice.
4. rugby match, whoakay.
5. MANPRIT :)

it's a two way street folks

my dear mates in school are cuh-ray-zee. hahah, we just kept laughing and laughing and laughing (:
i was a goner by chinese, kept nodding off! after which, just hung out abit with jasmine and ryna, aiyar those nuts. :D love you guys!

on the way home, read the notes for king lear.

Regan: Have him hanged.
Goneril: Gouge out his eyes.

My heart goes out to Gloucester actually.
Followed by Lear, and then.. Goneril and Regan for bein----
THIS IS THE PART WHERE MY DAD BROUGHT MY DOG BACK AND HE JUST SPRINTS INTO THE HOUSE AND POUNCES ON MY MOM WHO WAS HAVING A BUSINESS CALL AND SHE STARTED SCREAMING AND I THINK DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES ARE REALLY AWESOME

okay back to the point.

I feel sorry for Goneril and Regan for being unable to feel and reciprocate the love that Lear had for them, because no love can be felt without having the desire to give love.
mmm, i've never done literature, so i don't know when i'm venturing into the wrong sphere of getting to personal with my views and i often find myself screaming at cliffnotes and saying "Nooooooooooooooo!"


wellllll anyway. i'm pretty crazy about this song. enjoy!







If man is judged by their superficial fronts, does that make the viewer superficial as well? We judge, we judge, we judge. It's human nature, nobody can blame nobody for that. But it's kind of terrible having to sit on hands, wishing that you had a society-mindset-eraser in hand. Even the most brilliant, emotive, foreseeing intellectuals do it, so do the most shallow of us all, inside and out. And even all of that description is due to being judgemental. We all know that the deeper depths of every being is intrinsic, individual, and unique in their own ways. And as much as one is labelled for being XXXXXXX, whatever it is, or slapped with the assumption that his/her personality traits are like XXXXXXX, good or bad, we all stage our fronts, just like how knights wear shining armour. It may be a self-defence mechanism, or it may be an actual reflection of one's inner beauty, it may be ugly, it may be scoffed at, it may be despised, it may receive negative response, it may be mocked, but we all paint a face.

It is only but.
A painted, face.

Wipe away it all, and we have a clean, fresh-faced, gift from heaven.

Maybe thinking the bigger/better of a person helps you wipe off the paint as well, not just splashing more, vandalising it more than it already should be.


That's the problem with blogs.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to see your paint.
I too am wielding a paintbrush as we speak, and it's a helpless, monstrous thing to do.
Help me wipe off your paint, please. Before I splash the colours.

dangit i sounded so cheesy

identity issues

they're not as superficial as they seem you know.

it's painful. literally, heart-achingly painful.

i am lost, really lost. i thought i wanted this so bad, but apparently not, so, it's not even at the crossroads for me, more like an empty sahara desert and a compass without a needle.

i came up with a theory that maybe it's because of how JC/education in all its shiny structured glory shapes us to be.

In history, GP, literature, even economics. We're all made to argue at both sides of the field, we're made to alter our personal choice, principles and preference to think like how we are supposed to, how they like us to, to get that "A".
No wrong in that.
But maybe that kind of robbed me of my humanity a little bit. I find it difficult to choose, because we can see now, both ends of the spectrum.
The beggar wants to be a beggar, mother Theresa wanted to be mother Theresa, I... I don't know.

I just do not know.

I've always had the logic that we're like film, exposed too early and we are ruined, exposed too late, and somehow we get left behind and all we are, are merely figments of the past.

So how do I find the middle, the crack, the crevice to fall into?

I do not know.

I shared this with the man that I treasured most on this planet - My father.
I think I broke his heart, because he thought he knew -
He thought he knew how to fix problems. Because he thought that's what Dads are supposed to do, fix things. He's beautiful like that.
But sometimes we just do not know, we just do not know.
After a long soul-baring session that went nowhere, albeit its futility to find a solution, I feel better. Because I think I learnt a fair bit, although I still face the problem of running into walls and getting bruises and not knowing how. I still face the problem of feeling awfully alone, awfully, awfully, alone. I still face the problem of not knowing, but that's okay.
We live and learn.

we never really grow old, do we?

i'm writing this at 1225am with a spinning mind and in between sniffles and sore eyes, i don't really know where this is going but this is my heart to my fingertips to the screen, unrated. this is me.

Your name is Seth. You like economics, politics, you mock the government but secretly think that they're doing a mighty fine job. You like indie rock, but you can't play any instrument for nuts. You like all sorts of music actually, hip-hop gets both of us into an embarrassing funk. We laugh over house reruns and come up with our own theories over Lost. You mock my obsession for pretty boy actors that have nice eyes like Johnantan Rhys Meyer. We karaoke over Say Anything, and get all fuzzy in each others' arms over Bright Eyes. You tell bad jokes, but you do try. You treat your family members with respect, albeit the mandatory lazy-can't-be-bothered part of you that all girls secretly think is pretty cute. You like dogs. You care alot, but you want me to be independent. You want to be independent, we're both un-needy. We're both whole. We don't trust each other all the time, but we make it known to each other. It helps keep us in line, to have a constant drive to prove something to each other, to be better. You like poetry. You don't hear, you listen. You tell me what you like to do, what your fears are, what you hate, without having me to poke and prod. We make decisions together, and don't mind if we take turns making them on our own once in awhile. Dutch is the way to go, a couple of times being treated like royalty's nice, but not all the time. You state your expectations, you're not scared. You like ice-cream. You know i would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, but you get mad. You're natural. It feels more real that way. You're random. You talk alot, but not too much. You respect alone time. You know what's good for you, and respect your body, mind and soul. We share the same religious beliefs, if we don't, we respect each other's. You laugh alot. You make me laugh alot. You love travelling. You have big dreams. Fuzzy hugs are nice. Idiosyncrasies included, we love each other all the same.

Hello Seth, I don't know if you actually exist, but if you do, hello. I'd like you to meet my Ma :)

HELLO WORLD

- somehow when i do that i feel like i'm literally standing 10m away from earth and screaming that out loudddd and clearrrr

i've been spending plenty of time with really awesome people.
really really awesome, precious individuals.

grace - grace and i have been having our 5.2 km runs, chatting and nonsensing about all kinds of rubbish :) everytime some crazy runnergeek sprints past us, or we see day-after-tomorrow-esque lighting flashes, we just burst out laughing. simple pleasures! :)

michelle - HELLO BIRTHDAY GIRLY GIRL. we haven't talked in ages, really ages. but it seems like, no matter how far apart we are, when we get back together, it seems almost like we never left each other at all! :) went shopping with her yesterday at vivocity, had spizza which i ate the toppings and ate the pizza, and just talked about everything under the sun. it's always fuzzy with you around babe <3

rachel - i pop up from time to time to see her slacking *cough at wisma's ckj! hahahah, the last time i saw her watching anime at her counter! naaah, she works prettydarnedhard. DEATHCABBBBBBBB

chmeloooon - just met her hours ago! surprised me with creme brulee cadbury chocolate! pigged out and talked at the busstop. ONCE A WEEK SESSIONS!

sunshine.b - on/off thing. i don't really know, it's cold and not, but good times are good times.

P - thank you for letting me call and just let everything go. i really needed that. love you in the way you know i love you.

nick/tracie/zheng - feelgoodfriends. hahah, it's as good as it gets, i never grow up with them around, we're forever 11 when we're together!

classmates!!! - what we school be without you guys man. seriously. J, chin up okay, bigger person!

milho - we can join shopaholic anonymous and pretend to be hippies :) love you.


life's good, life's good. i think, it's really true what they say about how people need to lose something/someone to realise the worth of what they have around them. learnt it the hard way, but that's okay. a little ache-y once in awhile, but that's okay. live and learn.

i've been watching alot of gilmore girls reruns and friends,
and laughing non stop, i was up awake after twisting and turning of sleeplessness at 3 in the morn, only to realise half of my family was up watching the tele. we're tvgeeks, no kidding.

i like short-forms.
like
fro yo for frozen yogurt
i like green tea icecream
i think i've said this the hundredth time.